The Meanderthals

A fellow Meanderthal  is successfully partaking in a diet in preparation for his holidays. For anyone who cannot match his dedication and will-power, we have details of an alternative designed to overcome any stress that might be involved.

DIETING UNDER STRESS

This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day.

BREAKFAST: half a grapefruit, one slice of wholemeal toast, 3 fluid ounces skimmed milk.

LUNCH: 4 oz lean boiled chicken breast, 1cup steamed spinach, 1 cup herbal tea,

               1 chocolate chip cookie.

MID AFTERNOON SNACK: rest of cookies in packet, 2 pints chocolate chip ice-cream,

        1 jar hot fudge sauce with nuts, cherries and fresh cream.

DINNER: 2 loaves garlic bread, 1 large pepperoni pizza, 4 cans lager, 3 Snickers or Mars bars.

LATE EVENING SNACK: entire frozen Black Forest Gateau (eaten directly from freezer).

RULES

1. If you eat something and no-one sees you, it has no calories.

2. If there is no indication of calorific content on the wrapper, or there is no        wrapper, there are no calories.

3. If you drink diet coke with a Mars bar, the calories of the Mars bar are cancelled out by the coke.

4. Food used for medicinal purposes (eg hot chocolate, toast and Sara Lee cheesecake) never count.

5. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entire entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. (eg milkshakes, popcorn,

Haagan Das ice-cream, Murray Mints and Mars bars)

6. Broken biscuits contain no calories because the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

7. Foods of the same colour have the same number of calories. (eg spinach and pistachio ice-cream, mushrooms and white chocolate)

8. If you fatten up everyone around you - you look thinner.

N.B. Chocolate is a universal colour and may be substituted for any other food colour.