The Meanderthals: A LONG AND WINDING ROAD !

YARROW VALLEY 9 miles

Walkers :- John W, John R, Anthony, Martin, Mike, Vic.

After the last, superb walk led by Anthony it was back down to earth on one of John's "Mystery Tours"

This particular "Mystery Tour" left the present author so knackered he just didn't manage to write up the "Match Report" so here's a somewhat late "HEADLINE" report.

KICK OFF !

was a little delayed as parking was unavailable at the planned starting point so We parked in a nearby country lane which added half a mile (each way) to our mileage.

BEASTIES.

In the first field passed, were a handsome group of ewes accompanied by a magnificent ram which was wearing a harness the purpose of which was..... "Wink Wink..Nudge Nudge...say n'more.!" (see Monty Python.)
A young bull took offense at our presence and got as close as he could whilst making some rather loud noises which we could only assume were bovine expletives (NOT deleted.)
Several fields we entered contained calves whose mothers eyed us suspiciously and caused our rather wimpish group to walk on the OTHER side of a substantial barbed wire fence. This we eventually had to clamber over or squeeze through as the stile was in with the cows.
An elderly lady told us that every day she and her dog took a walk around the churchyard. We found this difficult to believe as the said dog (which looked like the legendary "Pet Pomeranian Poodle Pup) was eyeing us from the warmth and comfort of a baby's pushchair.

"STOP"

Not John's fault this time. After crossing several fields we were brought to a halt in the corner of one where a large piece of metal fencing barred the way over our next stile. The footpath was closed - for no apparent reason and we had to retrace our steps and take a detour which added about 3/4 of a mile to our walk. We were outraged at such a denial of our rambling rights. We were to later discover that the closure was caused by large scale work on a flood prevention scheme for Croston

PROMISES ! PROMISES !

Promises not kept ! We were to visit two Moated Farmhouses and a 14C church. The "Moats" turned out to be more like rubbish filled drainage ditches. The venerable "Farmhouses" were either derelict scrapyards or in the process of unsympathetic redevelopment and the 14C church, whilst rather fetching, on investigation was 11C,12C and 14C even 17C and 19C improvements and there had been a place of worship at the site even earlier.

INJURY TIME

As we neared the halfway point in our walk we had to climb a stile and immediately cross over a somewhat rickety bridge. Two of our number had already passed these "obstacles" but Martin somehow missed his footing and suddenly plunged off the bridge, and crashed through the bushes, brambles and nettles to land heavily at the bottom of the ditch. The shocked group quickly gathered round to assistant the motionless figure sprawled in the ditch. The obviously anxious group had to wait for a minute or two whilst Martin gathered his wits and responded to their urgent but sympathetic questions . With help he freed his trapped legs and struggled to his feet bleeding from various cuts. Lunch was taken immediately in a stunned silence (almost --- these are Meanderthals you must remember.)

REMATCH

We were all disappointed that Paddy had not come with us. ( He had good cause. "Hey JUDE. you made us glad") as we visited the car park of St Mary the Virgin, Eccleston , where Paddy had claimed victory in his bout with the Vicar. We were looking forward to the re-match. Particularly those of us who missed the first.

FINAL WHISTLE

Other points of interest included Mike swinging from a motorway bridge (What ?). The discovery of a half decent bike seemingly abandoned by the roadside and the usual polite discussion about the direction the route should take :-)

EXTRA TIME

caused by the diversions (not John's random planning !) left the author at least trudging through the last mile or so. Head down following the boots in front. He was not alone !