CHAINSAW MASSACRED

ISOLATION 3  "DEEP CUTS"

In our garden we have two apple trees. A small one with rosy red dessert apples and a large one with big green baking apples. The large one had become very tall and most of the apples crashed down from a great height and were ruined.  So I determined to cut it back to a manageable size and at the end of the season bought a chainsaw.

With the atrocious weather at the end of the year and my subsequent incapacity I have only just got round to tackling the said tree.

With great enthusiasm I clambered up the ladder and ripped into the offending sky-seeking bough.

Halfway through the cut the saw jammed and stopped. (amateurs ! ! ! ) Several trips up and down the ladder and with the help of several other tools I managed to free it but it was "dead". Not a squeak could I raise from it. 

Check the extension cable - Nothing

Change the extension cable - Nothing

Change the fuse - Nothing

Try another fuse - Nothing

Kick it ---- Nothing.

Ah well I would have to tackle it a different way.

Here's the different way...……...

Not a good idea.  Have you tried swinging a Felling Axe whilst balancing on a ladder amongst clawing branches ?

RethinK…  Now John how do you usually solve difficult problems ?    Of course !    "BRUTE FORCE & IGNORANCE ". I managed to get a rope round the offending branch and PULLED ! With a creaking screech the branch broke off and plummeted to the ground.

Here's the neat clean cut it left ? ? ?

Even a passing bird has left a comment on the quality of the work.

My neighbour, who is a bit of a DIY geek, casually asked "Have you the checked the safety switch ?"  Safety switch ? What safety switch ? The guard that stops the hands going too close to the ripping teeth immediately stops the saw if it is pushed forward. "Try pulling it back a bit" said the neighbour. I did, The saw immediately roared into life.  So who's a P-----K ?

"FLOBBALOBBALOP "  pardon ? "FLOBBALOBBALOP "

If you are old enough to have watched black and white children's TV   in the early fifties you might recognise this as the sort of dialogue spoken by the heroes of one show - "BILL and BEN the FLOWERPOT MEN"  Bill and Ben have of course long since retired from the screen but they are still around. In fact they now live in comfortable retirement in a garden in Grimsargh.

Bill and Ben declined an interview saying that at their age self-isolation was vital. LITTLE WEED of course is long since deceased. Indeed she was found dead on the compost heap in the BLUE PETER garden ( Percy Thrower is the prime suspect ). Her great, great, grand-niece  was, however, happy to put in an appearance and added a cheerful smile to the photo.

John W,

p.s. If you think this is bonkers that's OK I've got to do something to amuse myself in these testing times.